This week I’m taking a little inspiration from former Southern Standard News Editor Bethany Porter. Complaining about rude customers at the movies, the way people drive, people who stand to close to her, etc., won her at least one Best of the Best local columnist award. Meanwhile, in 2023, I came in fourth behind Bethany, Jeffery Simmons and Stan St. Clair. This year’s votes haven’t been tallied yet, so Bethany's win streak could be up to two. Maybe I’ve been doing it all wrong with my tendency to do a little cheerleading for local people and organizations. So, in honor of Bethany, this week I’ll devote 500 words to a minor inconvenience which bothers me. 

 I love Taco Bell and I’m a regular but, to me, everything on the menu is pretty much the same. There’s only so much you can do with ground beef, taco shells, tortillas and cheese, after all. So I never really have any particular item in mind when I go there. I usually just let the visuals of the drive-thru menu guide me. What looks good and is there some new craving combo are the questions I ask myself after being greeted by the friendly Taco Bell employee. As soon as I hear, “I’m good, thanks for asking. Order when you’re ready,” the pressure is on. That’s where my complaint comes in. 

I’m all for new technology and I’m certainly a fan of big, bright screens, but they need to be used correctly. Taco Bell recently introduced a new, large digital menu screen. Initially I was really excited about it. Then I realized it destroyed my tried-and-true method of letting the menu’s visuals  guide me to my order. 

The menu's digital screen capabilities allow it to cycle through different options. The problem with that is when I see something I want, it will often change to something else entirely and it doesn't cycle back quickly. As I get older, my short term memory isn't what it used to be, so I rely on the menu to stay static so I can remember what to order.

I can feel the exasperation of the tinny voice inside the menu board as I go from confidently declaring I'm ready to order to then fumbling to remember what it was I had decided on now that it is no longer staring me in the face.

And Taco Bell doesn't make it any easier with some of the names of their menu items. The other day I saw a new item I wanted while the person in front of me was placing their order. After they drove away and I was ready to confidently order the Secret Aardvark Nacho Fries after seeing their picture on the menu. Sure enough, when it's the moment of truth, the screen switches and I suddenly can't be sure if that was actually a new item or something I concocted in a Taco Bell hunger-fueled fever dream. And I certainly can't remember what it was called after seeing it for a fleeting second.

So I end up saying, "uh, do you have secret avocado or armadillo or something nacho fries?" Luckily the kind employee was able to decipher my order. My point is, in this constantly changing world, is it too much to ask that the Taco Bell menu stay constant at least long enough for me to order? 

Standard Managing Editor Seth Wright can be reached at editor@southernstandard.com