When it comes to sports reporting, I’m more of an Oscar Madison than a John Elway. Oscar Madison, for those of you under 50 years old, is the slovenly sports writer who made up half of TV’s “The Odd Couple” played by Jack Klugman. Elway is a sports hero turned journalist. Madison, well … not so much.
The subject reminds me of a Woody Allen quote, “Those who can’t do, teach. And those who can’t teach, teach gym.” I’m more like Oscar in that I never was much good at most sports, but enjoy watching them and writing about them.
Speaking of teaching gym, while attending the first wrestling match of the year at the high school, I was reminded of my old sports days ... in gym. In my day, we had to wrestle as part of gym class. I’m not sure if they do that anymore.
At the Warren County match, there weren’t that many people in attendance (my kind of crowd – quiet) and the Pioneers were short half a team. The coach said one reason might be he’s been told students can wrestle, but despise the uniforms. Now I’m not sure if spandex had been invented in 1975, but that wasn’t why I didn’t like wrestling. You see I was embarrassed about wrestling for another reason.
I was always a gassy kid. My mom said she would warn any potential wife I might have of this fact ... thanks mom. It’s been 33 years now since I married my wife, so I guess she knows you were telling the truth. But I digress, seems when I exerted myself in sports very strenuously, such as trying to push someone off me who’s trying to pin me to the mat, my gassy nature would kick in and well you can guess the rest.
If it were one of those silent but deadly attacks I might be a professional wrestler with a secret weapon today. Needless to say I spent most of my time wrestling acting like I was trying to win but getting pined pretty quickly. I would take a dive as it were, maybe the first of fake wrestling ever. Could be I started something, I don’t know.
In any case, I don’t know what I would think about today’s uniforms in general had we had them. I went to my old friend, Hey Google, and he told me there are plenty of varieties of the tight-fitting spandex uniform readily available for custom orders. Just look up Sprinkle Kitty wrestling uniform on Google for one option, a picture of a kitty cat on the front and back.
I’m afraid even if I had Sprinkle Kitty in high school, I’d be an outdoor cat.