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Re Porter - Scary movie madness
bethany porter

This weekend I went to see the new movie “Halloween Kills” and it was surprisingly good. Even though I liked it, I noticed a lot of silly things the characters did that inevitably led to their deaths. Things like this happen a lot in scary movies. 

At one point in “Halloween Kills,” a couple notices their back door is open and there is a bloody hand print on the door. They hear footsteps upstairs and instead of doing the logical thing and sprinting out the door, they grab their cheese platter knives and head upstairs to investigate. Did I mention they also live in the Myers’ house, on Halloween, when Michael Myers is currently on a killing spree? If I was home alone and saw my door was open, I would leave the house so fast I would not have time to investigate. 

If you have watched any of the “Halloween” movies, you will know Michael Myers does not run. In the new movie, a side character’s whole car of companions were attacked and murdered. Instead of heading for the hills, she runs up to him and hits him with a trick-or-treat sack full of rocks. Obviously, that did not work. He chokes her and nearly kills her, but she gets away. She runs through the park, and instead of running nonstop to safety, she starts hiding behind trees. I really hope I am never pursued by a fast walking psycho killer, but if I was, I would run and never stop, especially not to hide behind a tree. 

I love the “Scream” movies too, but they also fall victim to these ridiculous actions. In “Scream 2,” the character CiCi, played by the wonderful Sarah Michelle Gellar, is alone in her sorority house when she gets a call from Ghostface. Once Ghostface is in the house and after her, she decides to run up the stairs to the top floor, essentially trapping herself. Spoiler, she gets stabbed and thrown off the balcony. Before she gets chased, she tried to call campus security because the caller was threatening her, but the call drops. I would have been out of that place so quickly as soon as someone was threatening me over the phone and I definitely don’t think I would run to the very top floor. 

How could we forget Tatum’s death in the first “Scream” movie? She is in the garage getting drinks for the party, when Ghostface blocks her way out of the door. They have a short fight and she gets away and tries to escape through the dog door located on the garage door. She doesn’t fit and Ghostface raises the garage door and breaks her neck. I think she would have had a better chance trying to fight him off than squeezing through the dog door. 

If you are home alone and your back door is open, please run out and do not investigate. If a walking killer is chasing you, just run and don’t stop. Let’s leave the stupidity of horror movie characters in the movies and be smarter in real life. 

Standard reporter Bethany Porter can be reached at 473-2191.