I have determined that I am such a cautious, boring person that I would survive a “Scream” movie. Spoilers ahead.

Obviously the point of a slasher movie is for people to get slashed, so not everyone is going to make the smart decision and live. In the first “Scream” movie, multiple people have died or been attacked by Ghostface and the kids still decide to go to a party - a party that happens to be at the killer’s house. Sidney, the main character, who has already been attacked and knows she is the target of the killer, also decides to go to the party. That wouldn’t be me. If a killer was on the loose targeting either me specifically or people like me, I would be locked up in my house. I definitely would not go to a party full of suspects. I probably wouldn’t even go to the party if a killer wasn’t on the loose. I am a homebody.  

Another thing that would protect me in the “Scream” franchise is my willingness not to answer the phone. If I don’t know who is calling, I’m not answering. Even if I have a number saved, I still might not answer the phone. I think a killer who enjoys taunting people over the phone would give up on me immediately. 

In “Scream 2” the wonderful Sarah Michelle Gellar plays CiCi, a sorority sister, who gets a phone call and the person on the phone starts being creepy. She tries to call campus police, but then she steps out of the house because the reception is bad. She goes back in the house, Ghostface pops out, she runs up the stairs (a horrible decision) and gets stabbed and thrown off the building. Again, I probably wouldn’t have answered the phone, but if I did and the person started being creepy and insinuating he was in the house, I would be gone. Also running up the stairs was a stupid decision. 

I am also not an investigate-and-see kind of person. If I was alone in the house and heard people-like noises I am not going to stick around and find out. I also have enough will to live that I wouldn’t befriend someone who is actively being hunted. Tatum in “Scream” is Sidney’s friend and continues to stick by her and, guess what she gets? Killed. She gets killed. 

Hallie is Sidney’s new friend in college and guess what she gets? Killed. I think I would get the hint and leave this person alone immediately. I’m sorry to my friends, but if you are the known target of a killer, I am not the person to lean on for support. I will avoid you. In the new movie, two characters willingly move to New York with the main characters and end up both getting stabbed again! If I continually was getting stabbed because of the people I hung out with, I would look for new friends. 

There is one death I think we can all agree was deserved in one of the movies. Someone in “Scream 2” gets stabbed in the head after putting his ear up against a stall in the bathroom. First of all, why would you ever put your face on a nasty bathroom stall wall? That is gross and honestly he deserved to die for doing that.

Standard reporter Bethany Porter can be reached at (931) 473-2191.