Wrong place, wrong time and definitely the wrong woman to target: Main Street, anytime and me.
Let’s start from the beginning. It’s so cold in the mornings that I’ve taken to walking during the daytime. I don’t have a set routine or route. Sometime during the warmest part of the day, I leave my desk and go for a walk along city streets. It has been working out well.
Thursday, here at the newspaper, we held our Halloween luncheon. It went well. I won first place with my dessert. I created a zombie feast of guts, bloody cupcakes, jellied eyes and severed limbs. It was the perfect combination of delicious and disgusting. James said it was “too gross” and no one would eat it. Susan was among the brave ones who did. She said my guts were delicious.
Somewhere about 3:40 p.m., I realized that time was running out for a walk. A government meeting at 5 p.m. This walk took me to Spring Street, down Main, around the corner at Magness Library, up Morford and across to the Farmers Market. Just for good measure, I thought I would walk down Main Street again but this time on the opposite side of the street.
Sitting in front of Collins River BBQ & Café was a small, dark, gray car. I watched as a guy jumps out of the passenger side, crosses the street and comes toward me. He’s holding a basic folder in one hand, a pen in the other. He’s wearing jeans, a man’s jockey shirt (the sleeveless, skin-tight type that men should wear under a sleeved shirt or not at all), and a baseball cap.
He says he’s a member of the city board. “You’re in violation of city code and I’ll have to write you up,” he said. I decided to play along, but not much, “Oh, no, I did not know that I was in violation of city code.”
“I know, but I am going to have to cite you,” he said.
As he flipped open the folder to presumably do just that, I added, “What I do know, because I cover city government, is that you’re not on the city board. You aren’t on any city board. Boy, you just picked the wrong person.”
This guy freaked. He backed off a couple steps, shut the folder and threw his hands up.
“I was just kidding,” he said, with a nervous laugh. I walked on and he climbed back into the passenger side. I looked back and they continued to sit there. I begin thumbing through my phone contacts to determine which city officer to call.
McMinnville Police Department is now located on Main Street. It is a welcome addition. A welcome sight was detective Eddie Colwell walking into City Hall. Guess who I flagged down? Eddie went in that direction and went back to work.
I’ve relayed the story to several people thus far. At least one woman said she would have fallen for it and paid the fine.
Ladies, never trust a man who thinks an undershirt is proper outer attire. If I hadn’t been a government reporter who knows every official in the county, that one clue alone would have done it for me.
Standard reporter Lisa Hobbs can be reached at 473-2191.