Have you ever wondered how others would describe you? How would you describe yourself?

If you choose to answer that last question, please be nice. Here’s a chance to focus on positives, both physically and character traits. Avoid negative thoughts altogether. Everyone has them, things we’d like to change about ourselves, but allow positives to outshine them.

I consider myself bright, intelligent, outgoing, very social, witty and easygoing. On a good day, my intelligence is above average. On a bad day, it comes and goes. There are times when I am not the brightest bulb in the box. Say, after 2 a.m. 

On Friday morning, I decided 2 a.m. was a good time to work on my shoes. I couldn’t sleep, so why not? If you desperately want to sleep but can’t, be productive. What could go wrong?

The boots, relatively new, had a loose sole. Because those are so costly, I decided to use Gorilla super glue gel and attempt a repair. After checking on the trusty internet, that’s a highly recommended product for this type of work. 

After pulling the shoes from the closet and the previously purchased glue from the drawer, I settled in for some crafty do-it-yourself shoe repairs. I navigated the tedious task of affixing the top dispenser to the bottom container. So far so good. 

I held the shoe between my legs and began to slowly apply the super glue. Everything was working out well, until my intelligence dimmed even more. I decided to be an over achiever and run a bead of glue along the entire seam of the shoe. Maybe this would prevent anymore sole-related catastrophes, I thought. 

Mission accomplished! I lifted the boot in order to admire my handiwork. At that moment, I realized my mistake. By turning the shoes, I had transferred the super glue from the boot onto my legs. I had almost glued the boot to my legs. 

Have you ever looked at the warning labels on products and thought, “What idiot did that?” You know there’s a story behind each and every one. Someone, somewhere, looked at bubble wrap and thought, "I can float on that.” Hence, the warning “not a floatation device.” Either someone tried it or manufacturers are going to great lengths to protect users, whom they insultingly believe are morons. 

Well, I’m staking claim to this. If it is ever makes a warning label, I’m the one who used a tube of super glue and almost affixed a shoe to my thigh. While not my greatest accomplishment and nothing I want read in a eulogy, it did happen. 

This was Lisa at 2 a.m. Apparently, she’s not so bright. The p.m. Lisa wondered when she can again unlock the cellphone with her thumb. Thank goodness for six-digit codes. 

Standard reporter Lisa Hobbs can be reached at 473-2191.