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Just a Sniff - Go adopt a dog named Lisa

Chew on this: I’m up for adoption at Warren County Animal Control and Adoption Center. 

I’m sure someone is chomping at the bit to snatch me up. I’m adorable. You couldn’t ask for a better fur-friend. There are no milk-bones about that.

While I’m waiting on my forever home, let’s talk. 

Today has been ruff. A Warren County employee threw a stick five miles. I found it and brought it back. Did that sound a little bit far-fetched? Look at that face. Would a sad puppy dog look lie? You’re definitely barking up the wrong tree. That’s the same tree that thought I was talking to it the other day. I kept saying “bark! bark! bark!” and it kept replying “what about it? what about it? what about it?” 

Being a canine isn’t easy, so I’ve set down a few dog-gone rules for my adoption. 

First, fur must be worn at all times. No, not me. You! It’s bad enough that your fur changes daily. If you walk around without it that will freak me out. A PhD in Barkeology isn’t needed, but woof down some common sense. 

Second, I prefer early morning walks. No daytime walks, please. Morning walks, that’s the key to keeping me happy. At least two miles every day. Yes, two miles. That should cockerdoodledoo it. 

Third, I must watch my favorite late night TV show every day. Canine O’Brien. No bones about it, he’s funny. I’ll get barking mad without my O’Brien fix. 

Fourth, I do not dance. I cannot dance. I’ve got two left feet. However, I do enjoy baying out a song or two. My favorite is, “Don’t stop retrievin’ hold on to that loving feeling.” A classic. 

Fifth, I’m allowed to smell everything. How else can I sniff out the good stuff and decide what’s edible and what’s not? You do it when you pull the mystery container out of the refrigerator.  So, don’t press the paws button when I do it. 

Sixth, I must be spayed. Absolutely. Positively. Did you hear about the dog who wasn’t and had puppies on the side of the road? She was arrested for littering.

Seventh, I might give you a bit of trouble at bath time, even though I will need one. The only dog that likes to take a bath is a shampoo-doodle. 

Eighth, I do like the occasional trip to the park. Because I’m not full-blooded, you won’t have to worry about ducks trying to bite me. They only go after pure-bread dogs. 

Just a joke to make you howl: 

One weekend morning, a wife says to her husband, “We’ve got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning.”

Her husband replies, “Well, lots of dogs can do that.”

The wife responded, “But we’ve never subscribed to any!”

Now, get off your hind legs and go adopt me. 

Standard reporter Lisa Hobbs can be reached at 473-2191.