Happy Cinco de Mayo my American amigos!

How do you plan to celebrate today? A fiesta? Some guacamole? Maybe some musica? Margaritas? At least have a cerveza and hit a piñata!

Or maybe you will celebrate like Mexican people in Mexico do. Not at all.

That’s right. It’s only Americans who give a taco about Cinco de Mayo. Go ahead. Ask your Mexican-born friends and acquaintances. Nobody’s heard of it. Nobody cares.

Cinco de Mayo is like the Mexican St. Patrick’s Day. And St. Patrick’s Day is the Irish Cinco de Mayo.

Both holidays exist in the U.S. due to clever American marketing and some watered-down nostalgia. The only difference is one honors an ancient but now obscure religious hero and the other an ancient but now obscure military victory. Any excuse to throw a good party, America! 

I dare you to visit Ireland on March 17. If you think you’ll see a bunch of lucky leprechauns, Irish jigs and green-wearing merrymakers, you never left Boston.

St. Pat’s Day has been a “fun” holiday staple in the U.S. for many years, appealing to the large number of Irish-Americans. If you aren’t wearing some green, you might get a pinch. But if you’re wearing orange, you get a pass. It’s all political.

Celebrating St. Patrick’s Day openly in certain parts of Northern Ireland might get you killed. Location is everything. Wearing green overtly (Pro-Irish Catholic) in certain orange (Pro-British Protestant) neighborhoods, particularly in cities like Belfast or Derry (ahem, that’s Londonderry to you my Protestant friend) could be seen as a red flag, a dis and a dare. It’s not hard to bait the “Fightin’ Irish.” 

Not to say there aren’t some places there that now safely and somewhat lamely celebrate the holiday, but they do it from a purely marketing standpoint. They borrow the Americanized version of St. Paddy to attract the tourist dollar. But do not be under the impression there are Mexican restaurants on the Emerald Isle. There’s no Rio Grande bordering either Ireland or the United Kingdom. And avocados do NOT grow in Ireland or south of the border.

Meanwhile, Cinco de Mayo which translates to “fifth of May” commemorates a rather obscure Mexican victory over the French at the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862. 

For the rest of Mexico, it’s just another day at the office.

Cinco de Mayo became popular when it reached Mexican-Americans in California, a product of U.S liquor advertising companies when they targeted Spanish speakers in the 1970s and 1980s - a marketing ploy!

Yes, that’s right. Cinco de Mayo means a boost in tequila, beer and avocado consumption and sales. Aside from buying the best Mexican liquor, beer and tacos, we’ll nearly eat our weight in the delicious green “healthy butter” - 70 million pounds worth!

So whatever you do today, whether you hoist a piñata or eat chips with salsa, do it with American consumer gusto!

You’ve earned it non-Mexican-American!

And don’t forget the Alamo!

Standard reporter JL Jacobs can be contacted at jjacobs@southernstandard.com