Sometimes, when having a tough week, you just have to search for some “Girlie Wisdom.” And the online world is a great place to start.
“One of the big mysteries of life is that a two pound box of chocolates can make you gain five pounds.” Seriously? This happened to me once. I learned two things: never buy a big box of chocolates, and that much chocolate isn’t your friend.
“The reason some women over 50 don’t have babies is because we would put them down and forget where we put them.” I’m thinking this would happen to me. Sometimes, I get up and walk into the other room and forget what I needed. I can either blame this on age or a memory-zapping doorway.
“It’s time to give up jogging for your health when your thighs keep rubbing together and starting your pants on fire.” In my case, it’s when your knees start hurting. Apparently, mine can’t take a joke.
“What happens if you confuse your Valium with your birth control pills? You have 12 children, but you don’t really care.” That's funny. Never confuse those two medications. Word to the wise: If you need Valium, you definitely don’t need 12 kids.
“Why is it harder to lose weight as you get older? Because by that time your body and your fat have become really good friends.” This is hilarious, but not accurate. I’ve lost 75 pounds. Maybe my body and my fat have unfriended one another.
“What happens when you leave an outfit hanging in your closet for a while? It shrinks two sizes.” Been there and done that. It was sad. I like these days better. If I forget something in my closet long enough, it’s too big.
“My mind doesn’t wander. It leaves completely.” I tell my dog that she’s like me: A hot mess! We also have something else in common. We both suffer from attention deficit. It doesn’t take much to distract us. For her, it’s seeing a squirrel. When my mind wanders, it takes effort to get it back on track.
“It’s nice to live in a small town, because if you don’t know what you're doing, someone else does.” This joke is loaded with sarcasm, but I like it. It’s also very accurate. I love living in a small town. If there’s a downside, you have to be careful who you’re talking to, about whom you’re talking about and what you’re up to. People don’t mind their own business in a small town.
“I read some article which said the symptoms of stress are impulsive buying, eating too much and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That’s what I call a perfect day.” I’m very knowledgeable when it comes to the symptoms of stress. I’ve suffered all those symptoms and a couple more this week. Maybe next week will get better for me.
Standard reporter Lisa Hobbs can be reached at473-2191.