Do you remember the movie "Home Alone" where the parents leave on vacation and forget their young son? The boy is left to fend for himself as his family is heading overseas and is unable to get back to help him. Meanwhile, a couple of burglars, known in the movie as the “Wet Bandits” are trying to break in to the family house after realizing the boy is all alone.
He is able to rebuff their burglary attempts by resorting to a number of tricks and at the end of the movie, everything turns out great. Of course, they promptly do the same thing later in the sequel, "Home Alone 2," where they leave the boy to his own resorts in New York. Frankly, I think child services should be called on the parents given the way they so haphazardly care for their son.
Aside from having to repel the Wet Bandits from my home (which I would use a gun not a can of paint swinging from the ceiling), I can kind of sympathize with the boy as I too have been left home alone. Well, not actually alone. I also have a 17-year-old and a 9-year-old making my situation twice as bad as what the kid faced in "Home Alone."
My wife left me Monday. But, wait! Before all you single girls get excited and start lining up at the Southern Standard door like the Beatles are coming to town (I’d be Ringo if I were a Beatle), let me point out she is scheduled to come back, as far as I know anyway.
She and some of her friends are taking a girls trip to Europe. Yes, the continent. They are going to spend two weeks traveling from Spain to Turkey (the country not the bird). Before you ask, the answer is no – I was not invited even though I offered to dress up like a girl for the duration of the trip. Hey, it’s a European vacation. A man can swallow his pride for that, plus I think my butt wouldn’t look THAT big in certain designer jeans.
While she has looked forward to this trip for close to a year, I think she left with some trepidation given she’s left three boys in charge of the house. Will she have anything to come back to, or will what she does come back to resemble a wasteland?
That’s where I’m dedicated to surprising her – being the real dream husband. I’m sure she expects to wade through piles of dirty clothes and dishes when she steps back through the door. However, my plan is to keep the house clean and return it to her cleaner than when she left it.
To this end we are using only paper plates and there will be a mandatory room clean up every night. The boys can wear the same jeans a few days in a row, too. The floors will be vacuumed, the dog will be bathed, and the lightbulbs will all be burning when she gets home.
At least that’s the plan anyway. But, you know what they say about good intentions.
Standard reporter Duane Sherrill can be reached at 473-2191.