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Re Porter - Perfect pigskin picking
bethany porter

For my first column in the sports section, I’ve decided to explain my Pigskin Panel reasoning. I’ve had multiple people I know, including my own dad, questioning why I pick the way I pick. There have been people who don’t even really know me, but know my sister who have asked her what the heck I’m doing. My dad begged me week after week to simply look up who was favored to win and even showed me how. Clearly, I did not do that. 

In the beginning I quite literally circled willy-nilly. I just picked whichever team I was feeling and always picked the Titans because they are the only team I actually watch play. This strategy worked for like two weeks and quickly went downhill. 

 Later into the season, I had the wonderful idea to leave it to fate. I recruited Taylor Moore to be my official circle-er. Every week I would pick out a different colored pen (I have so many different colored pens) and hand the pen and my paper with the games on it to Taylor. I wouldn’t even look at the games. I then sat across from him and said left or right. 

The only exceptions I made while blindly picking was requesting that he always circle the Titans and usually avoid picking the Bills because I don’t like them. This is why my picks were so wild most of the time. I did get lucky a few times and win a few games, but I quickly widened the gap between me and the other players in a very bad way. 

Near the end of the season, I was told the record number of losses was like 112. When I learned that I was already at a hefty 109 losses. I vowed to not lose any more games, but didn’t change anything about my picking process. That clearly didn’t work and I now hold the new record for most losses. 

A week ago, Pat decided Jeffery cheated (I agree) and wanted to start fresh with the playoff games and the Super Bowl. I thought this was my chance to win. I handed a blue pen to Taylor (because blue is the color of first place) and I told him “left, left.” I picked the Bengals and the 49ers. Later that day I realized I was the only one who picked both of these teams and just knew I was going to win. I was absurdly confident that I was about to win. 

The Bengals and 49ers were not on the same page as me at all. Instead of winning, I became the only person on the panel with zero wins. Apparently we are also picking for the Super Bowl. I think I will also leave it to fate and hand my paper to Taylor and tell him right or left. We might also be picking points and I have a great idea for that. I will write down a few different numbers, put them in a hat, and then draw them. So if my point prediction for the super bowl is like seven, mind your own business.