I could voice my opinion on the city’s latest vote to remove the 300-foot distance restriction or the county’s consideration on giving judicial commissioners a $2 pay increase. However, I’m in a really good mood and neither of those issues will make me laugh.
My daughter sent me these “Adult Truths” and they did make me laugh:
• Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch three consecutive times and still not know what time it is. I do that with my cell. It’s weird.
• Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. No comment.
• I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger – I think businesses should institute nap times. Somewhere around 2 p.m. would be nice.
• I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired. I’ve been tired for approximately 23 years. Coincidentally, that’s how old my first child is. Happy birthday, Merissa! Momma loves you.
• There is great need for a sarcasm font. Right after you invent that, work on an invention to zap people who annoy you by phone.
• Was learning cursive really necessary? Maybe not, but neither was the shorthand I took in high school. I can still remember some of the words. None of them were as useful as the “play,” “stop,” “record,” and “pause” buttons found on my handheld recorder.
• Map Quest really needs to start its directions on No. 5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. Sadly, some people may not.
• Bad decisions make good stories. Yes, but they usually start out with “watch this” and end with “we need an ambulance.”
• You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. I really shouldn’t have included this one. I might resemble the remark.
• I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay. I don’t drink beer, but I found this statement hilarious and probably accurate.
• I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my 10-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. This has never happened to me; however, I will still make an oops in the computer occasionally. If computers are so smart, why don’t they know when I’ve made a mistake?
• I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. What line? I didn’t see a line!
• Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cellphone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey, but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from three feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
Standard reporter Lisa Hobbs can be reached at 473-2191.