Well, it happened again. I had another bathroom mishap.
Now, I’m no stranger to embarrassment, but for some reason public bathrooms hold a special place of humiliation for me. Recently, my husband and I spent our Saturday in Nashville. We always stop at the Green Hills Whole Foods for chocolate chip muffins, Mrs. Meyer's Lavender cleaning products and Hatcher chocolate milk.
It’s also our go-to bathroom stop before driving home. That day it was crowded, but I finally got a stall. I had just pulled down my jeans when the door opened exposing me to the entire line of women waiting outside.
“Sorry!” exclaimed the blushing teen backing up quickly and exiting the bathroom. What she failed to notice was that she’d unhooked the latch, so I watched as the door slowly reopened while I sat there helplessly. Thank the Lord for the kindness of strangers. An older lady with her hand over her eyes stepped forward saying “I’ll hold the door for you hunny!”
Another time, I took my niece to the Whole Foods bathroom. As she was finishing up, the lady in the neighboring stall was having a loud bowel movement. To my surprise, Zo busted out laughing.
Between her giggles I heard “Aunt Lacy, did you hear that thunder from down under?” I clamped my hand over her mouth before she had the chance to utter another tooting euphemism. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. We used hand sanitizer from my purse while jogging out of the store. What can you do? Kids have no filter. They call it like they see it, or in our case, hear it.
Now I know you’re thinking, that’s only two separate incidents. Well, I have an arsenal of bathroom stories. I’ve been in the stall realizing too little too late the absence of toilet paper. What’s worst is when it happens in an empty bathroom. Once this happened, and I had to wait 15 minutes for someone else to enter and hand me TP under the stall.
Last month, I saw a viral video of a four-year-old boy crawling under a stranger’s stall at a Lynchburg Chick-fil-A. The little boy told the man, who was sitting on the toilet, that he needed help washing his hands. Well, I can relate. I’ve been in a public bathroom and seen a little head pop under the stall before crawling in. Nothing like having a conversation with a child looking for their mommy while you’re trying to do your business. Guess that means I’m approachable?
My fear and slight public bathroom paranoia has faded over the years. With my track record, I guess I figure what’s the worst that can happen? Word to the wise, make it a habit to knock before pushing the door open even if it is slightly ajar. This should save you from at least one of the many embarrassing public bathroom stories I’ve shared.
Standard reporter Lacy Garrison can be reached at 473-2191.