Tired of trying to please everyone during the holidays? Are you working harder at home than you are at work, but still want that perfect, old-timey, Norman Rockwell look for your table? Then these simple recipes are for you!
Here's a complete holiday meal you can put together in minutes.
-- Homemade Turkey with Stuffing: Drive to a big box store and buy a turkey that's already been cooked and stuffed. Put it in the oven, reheat it, put it on your fanciest platter and serve. That delicious turkey smell will fill the whole house. If anyone asks how you cooked it, simply say, "It's a secret family recipe."
-- Homemade Cranberry Sauce: Buy some cranberry sauce. Dump it in a pretty dish and stir it up to make it look lumpy. Don't let anyone see the jar.
-- Scalloped Potatoes: Buy some frozen scalloped potatoes. Cook them in the microwave. Scoop them into a fancy serving dish. Tell the kids to set the table.
-- Homemade Green Salad: Buy some fancy lettuce, already washed. Put it in a large salad bowl. Throw in some stuff like olives and artichoke hearts you bought at the grocery store salad bar. Stir it up with your fingers. Put your favorite store-bought dressing in a plain bottle.
-- Homemade Cornbread: Buy some cornbread. Tell your sister to go see how the children are doing with setting the table. Try to ignore her screaming at them. Throw away the cornbread packaging while everyone's in the other room. Slide cornbread into the oven to warm it up.
-- Homemade Dinner Rolls: They've already got cornbread, what's the matter with you? OK, if you really want them, buy some from that fancy bakery department down at the grocery store. But make it look like you did something special. Take three sticks of soft butter, put them in a small bowl and stir them up so it no longer looks like sticks of butter. Tell people you churned it yourself. No one really cares what the food tastes like; they just want to know that you worked your tush off.
-- Homemade Sweet Potatoes: Oh, come on. There's enough food out there for 30 people. Forget the sweet potatoes. What do you think, that no one will show up next year because you didn't have sweet potatoes?
-- Homemade Pumpkin Pie: This is the one thing you absolutely must make by hand. Just kidding. All pumpkin pies taste pretty much the same. Buy it from a store, warm it up, smother it in whipped cream. People will say it's so much better than store-bought.
Unless you really enjoy cooking, don't let the holiday spoil your holiday. The only way this could possibly be easier is if you're invited to someone else's house for dinner. Then, do the right thing: Ask what you can bring. Then go out and buy it. Just hope they haven't read this first.
Contact Jim Mullen at JimMullenBooks.com.