Birthday parties are often one of the more traumatic things a child can endure. You have the out-of-tune singing of "Happy Birthday" by a chorus of rank amateurs, the buzz of a sugar high from the birthday cake, the breaking of new toys, the administration of ceremonial spankings (the one to grow on always hurts the worst) and the realization you’re another year closer to being an adult. Birthday parties were always a dumpster fire when I was a child.