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The Scoop - Getting robbed at a baby show
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Warren County will be exploding with activity, quite literally, this weekend as Fourth of July celebrations take place from Morrison to Midway.

The Joe Harvey Band will look to expend some pent-up energy with its first show in 18 months this Friday night at Main Street Live. It promises to be a memorable night as frontman Joe Harvey has proclaimed the band will have the enthusiasm of a caged animal as it wows the crowd with new numbers.

One thing that provides harmony to any Fourth of July celebration is a baby show. America declared its independence on July 4, 1776 and I’m sure the first Fourth of July baby show took place shortly after that.

Parents weren’t taking pictures with their cellphones, but I’m confident there must have been a baby show of some sort with Benjamin Franklin serving as judge. That show probably ended in controversy too.

I mention controversy because the one constant of every single baby show is that all parents believe their child is the absolute cutest and should be declared the winner. I guess it’s an inherent trait for parents to want to doll up their child, parade across a stage, and have a judge, or panel of judges, declare their baby is the best.

If, for some unknown reason, their baby doesn’t win it’s only because of some deep-seated corruption and hair-brained conspiracy theory. These parents will make bold statements like the baby show is rigged and they will contend their child was robbed of the blue ribbon.

I know this is true because I’ve made those statements myself when my boys were entered into a totally corrupt baby show and didn’t win. I’m not going to make any wild accusations, but I wonder how much the judges were paid off to select a baby other than mine.

It had to be because I work for the paper and some newspaper article rubbed them the wrong way and that’s the reason my boys didn’t win. Or some high roller plunked down thousands of dollars to ensure their child won. That’s the only way we could have been denied victory.

Fortunately, downtown McMinnville has a rich history of the Yankee Doodle Children’s Parade, which is a charming event where youngsters parade around Court Square. The kids are decked out in red, white and blue and so are their bikes, scooters, wagons, and other modes of transportation. Over the years, I’ve noticed some brave parents are bold enough to include the family dog in their Yankee Doodle float. That takes great confidence in the dog.

But as great as this Yankee Doodle parade has been over the years, it’s rigged too because my kids never won, despite continually entering the best float.

All this is to say the Fourth of July is the great American holiday. If there’s one thing I like, it’s fun. 

This weekend should have plenty of fun, fun fun, and perhaps a few upset parents too. I know that feeling all too well.

Happy Fourth!

Standard editor James Clark can be reached at 473-2191.