By allowing ads to appear on this site, you support the local businesses who, in turn, support local journalism.
Re Porter - Stupidly smart
bethany porter

I consider myself a fairly smart person. I have never made below a B. I graduated college Summa Cum Laude with a 3.9 GPA. Now that I have bragged about my smarts, I am going to tell you about some times I was not so smart. Brenda and Roxanne requested something funny, and a lot of people can relate to silly stories so here we go. 

Last summer I saw an advertisement for a coffee machine that makes iced coffee. I was super interested in it because in the past when I wanted iced coffee at home I would make hot coffee in my Keurig and stick it in the freezer for a few hours. It blew my mind that now I could have instant cold coffee. I told my mom about it and showed her the cool new machine online when I learned some life-changing news. 

My mom broke the news to me the super cool iced coffee maker did not make iced coffee. It made hot coffee that you are supposed to put over ice. That day I learned I could have had iced coffee whenever I wanted by just adding ice. I had always convinced myself that if you poured hot coffee over ice the ice would just melt, but no, apparently that is how iced coffee is made. I have wasted so much time over the years making coffee and setting it in the freezer for hours when all I needed to do was pour it on ice. 

This next incident makes me just shudder in shame every time I think about it, but I was in elementary school so give me a break. I think I was in fourth or fifth grade when I made a crucial reading error. We used to do daily language worksheets every morning with a few different questions on them. This particular assignment was determining if the sentence was a simile or metaphor. 

Well, I didn’t read “simile” correctly at all. I read it as “smile.” I thought the assignment was to determine if someone was smiling while saying the sentence or frowning. I literally wrote “smile” and “frown” for my answers. To make it even worse, we would swap our papers and grade them so one of my classmates looked at my ridiculous answers. If I had simply read it correctly I would have probably gotten the right answers, but I did not. Instead I created a lasting embarrassing memory that will likely haunt me for my entire life. 

My reading mistakes have continued on until even last week. I went to the eye doctor and filled out some paper work and at the bottom where you sign I read “parent” on one line and “parent/guardian” on the next. Well since I don’t need a parent to sign for me I left it blank. The lady brought it back to me and asked me to sign it and I was confused and asked if it mattered which line I signed because I thought neither referred to me. The line actually said “patient.” Good thing I was getting my eyes checked. I jokingly told the lady I didn’t sign because I’m a grown up. 

At this point I am a walking social disaster, but my point is sometimes self-proclaimed “smart” people can do some pretty stupid things too. 

Standard reporter Bethany Porter can be reached at 473-2191.