I keep acting weird in stores. I think I have forgotten how to function in society because nearly every time I go into a store I do something dumb. Just recently I went to a clothing store in town and I am pretty sure the person working there thought I was stealing. 

I was just looking at the racks of clothes when I was curious who was working there so I looked at the register. When I look up the girl is looking right at me. I have worked in retail long enough to know if you look at someone and they’re already looking at you, they are probably trying to steal. After I realized she probably thought I was stealing, I tried way too hard not to look suspicious which inevitably made me look even shadier. 

I also did something weird at a Dollar General a few weeks ago. I stopped in for a birthday card and a few other items and everything went fine until it was time for me to actually pay. My total was $6.04. I wasn’t sure if I had $6 in cash on me at the time. I had a $50 bill that I didn’t want to make the cashier bust on such a small total. I started digging around in my wallet and I found $3. I also carry a little card holder pouch thing that I sometime just clip to my belt loop when I don’t want to lug around my suitcase of a purse.

When I started reaching in my purse for my money pouch in an attempt to look for more dollars, the cashier kindly says, “Oh, I have the four cents.” For some reason I decided to reply and say, “I’m not looking for cents, I am looking for dollars.” After I said that I started thinking it sounded like I was telling the cashier to give me dollars. I don’t know. It was dumb. When I found my pouch I only found two more dollars and said I would just use a card.

When the card reader was ready, for some reason I completely forgot what I was doing and looked at the card reader like I had never paid for anything ever. I started to swipe my card when I have always had to insert my chip. For some reason I felt the need to inform the cashier that I wasn’t stupid and said, “I promise I have paid for things before,” and then inserted my chip like I was supposed to. 

When I finally paid for my items, I started looking in the bags closest to me and I didn’t see my stuff. I start peeking in the bags when the cashier sees me struggling yet again and says “Oh, it’s right here.” She hadn’t spun it around to me yet. When I finally grabbed my bag, I felt the need yet again tell her, “I promise I have shopped before.”

When I get put in awkward situations, which is a lot, my brain just decides to shut off and make things worse. When I worked at the shoe store, a lady came in after a pair of shoes she just bought broke. It happened to be April Fool’s Day when this happened and when she was explaining her problem I decided to make a stupid joke. I told her it was a bad April Fool’s joke and she looked at me like I intentionally broke her shoe. My brain and I need to work on our disconnect. 

Standard reporter Bethany Porter can be reached at 473-2191.