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Re Porter - Salty start to the New Year
bethany porter

I guess you could say that I had a salty start to the New Year following a series of events that could only be described as unfortunate. On New Year’s Day my family and I have a big lunch and this year we had it at my uncle’s house. 

On our way to his house, we get a call that his power was out. A transformer blew knocking out the power on the entire street. We still go, but this was the start of things to go wrong. A few minutes before everything was pretty much done the power comes back on. What else could go wrong, right?

I start assembling my plate of food and it looked great and I was starving. All that was left to do is salt and pepper my food. The only salt there was the kind that you hold and grind yourself. I have never used a salt grinder before. My sister had just used it, so how hard could it be?

I twist and twist and twist the salt and I don’t notice anything coming out of it. As soon as I get the words, “I don’t think I’m doing this right,” out and let go of what I later was told was the cap of the salt, the whole bottle of thick, unground salt fills my entire plate as well as the floor. 

As soon as I do this someone yells, “Bethany!!” I reply, “It’s not like I did it on purpose!” I think it was at this point my body starts choosing which coping mechanism to use. Laugh it off or cry. The wires in my brain apparently became twisted because what happens next is ridiculous.

I kept telling myself it is OK don’t cry, but I could feel the tears coming. No one was mad at me, there was plenty of food left, and there was no need to cry. I start laughing and then big crocodile tears fill my eyes as I just start bawling and laughing at the same time. While I was doing this I kept repeating “I’m not sad.” 

To set the scene even more, I had on one of those Walmart Happy New Year tiaras on and had mascara streaming down my face. It was a mess. I don’t know if I was crying because I had recently watched the Harry Potter reunion that morning, if all the tears I didn’t cry in 2021 were just flooding out, if I was hungry, or if my brain was just freaking out, but I do know that I looked crazy. 

My sister who was sitting next to me tried to console me by fixing my new plate while I continued laughing and crying. In her effort she puts green beans on my plate which I do not like and then it sets me off again. She quickly raked the green beans from her crazy sister’s plate into hers to try to fix the situation. 

I go to the bathroom to try to clean up and get it together only to come out and make eye contact with another family member who has started laughing at the situation again which made me laugh and cry all over again. I finally stopped crying and laughing by dessert.

What a way to start the year, crying over spilled salt.

Standard reporter Bethany Porter can be reached at 473-2191.