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Livin' la Vida Lacy - My adventures behind the wheel
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You know how Facebook Timehops to posts you made years ago? Well, mine reminded me of my last car wreck. I‘ve had three cars totaled in my lifetime (RIP Ruby, Goldie and Ruby II).

I’m not the best driver. I get anxiety in heavy traffic and I hunch over the steering wheel. If I’m in an unfamiliar area, I have to be solely fixated on the task of driving. Do I hold Ross’ hand while I drive or talk about other things? Nope, not a chance and if you ask Ross, he’ll tell you.

So, here’s the sad end of my first car, Ruby. I felt like the coolest driving my red Saturn with tinted windows, a customized license plate with my name airbrushed on it and a ruby dangling from my rear-view mirror.

One day, I was about to leave our house and I couldn’t get Ruby to go when I put her in reverse. I hollered at Grandpa and seeing the solution he leaned in and released the parking brake. Ruby was in neutral and instantly began rolling backward down the steep hill (with Grandpa still hanging halfway out of my car). I watched in shock as she entered the woods and crumpled into the trees.

My next car was a gold Honda Accord. I always felt a little detached from Goldie, which seemed more like a family car, but I enjoyed the CD player that held six CDs at once. She met her untimely end while I was home visiting from college. I was driving by Chicken Chef when suddenly I was knocked into the crash lane by a teen from Indiana, who didn’t look before switching lanes. You know you’re in a small town when your sister shows up after hearing the news while working her shift at KFC. She got in his face yelling “You could have hurt my sister! You’re paying for that!” reminding me of a little chihuahua in attack mode.

So, that leads me to Ruby II, my red Altima. This is the most frustrating of the three. I had just deep cleaned Ruby II, gotten a new air freshener and bought new tires. I was driving over by Cookeville Regional Medical Center with Ross. While completely stopped at a stop sign, I noticed I couldn’t see the driver of the Toyota. I quickly asked Ross, “Is she going to hit us?” then yelled “She’s going to hit us!”  Want to guess what she was doing when she hit us head on? That’s right, texting.

To be fair, I feel like I need to mention a few of my own driving blunders. Once, I had my foot wrapped from a twisted ankle and accidently backed through my grandparents’ garage door. My cousin Bailey said “You’re in trouble” before running home to leave me to deal with the consequences. I’ve also backed into a brick mailbox and tried telling Grandpa it might be buffed out. Nope, ended up needing a new bumper. Oh, and don’t get me started on one-way streets. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve gone the wrong direction.

Now, I drive another Altima that my niece named Coco. So far, so good and let’s pray it stays that way.

Standard reporter Lacy Garrison can be reached at 473-2191.