I’m surprised I haven’t had nightmares. Slimy, creepy crawlies give me the heebie jeebies. Granted, I’ve had to woman up because anytime you go through an older home, you’re going to come across them. 

What am I into now? Two words – Man’s woodshop. We’ve left it untouched primarily because it’s a place that showcases Man and his talents. Not only has it been a space that preserves his memory, but it’s almost like stepping into a different era. I always feel a combination of reverence and sadness as I stare up at the walls of peg board loaded with his tools. 

 As it was crammed full, it took my grandparents and me two days to sort through it. Grandpa was the identifier because I needed someone to prevent me from trashing dirty, rusty treasure. Meanwhile, Grandma and I did the heavy lifting so CrossFit is already paying off. 

As we lifted one moist board off the floor, it contained a colony of termites with the wood hollowed out along the grain. I resisted the instant urge to drop the board and squeal “Ewwwwwww!” That wasn’t the worst discovery. 

After we dropped it on top of the trash pile, I noticed a long snake-like creature. Upon closer observation, it had a hammerhead so I sent a video to several people inquiring about this mutant slug. The answer came from an unlikely source – Jeffery, who informed me it was a Bipalium, which is a genus of large predatory land planarians.

These flatworms are mainly predators of other invertebrates, which they hunt, attack and capture using physical force and the adhesive and digestive properties of their mucus. (Excuse me while I control my gag reflex.) Grandma took a stick and squished it in the middle so I felt confident about its demise. My comfort was short lived after Jeff texted, “I like where it said, when reading about it, that you can’t kill it by cutting it in half. It’ll grow into two.”

This knowledge paired with episodes of “Stranger Things” has my imagination going haywire. While attempting to put that out of my mind, I found a lengthy snake skin in the rafters. My great-uncle Clarence came by and we hauled several truck loads to take to his burn pile in the field. Hopefully, the Bipalium was transported there.

As soon as I returned, I checked my legs for ticks and chiggers and took a shower. Feeling fresh and clean, I reflected on all the critters confined outside. That’s when I found the unmistakable evidence of a mouse in my pantry. How in the devil did it get in? Just what I need in my newly renovated home, but such is life. 

After baiting the old school traps with peanut butter and cheese, we waited. On Sunday, Ross hollered up the stairs that we’d caught one. While he described it as cute, I triumphantly yelled out “Death to you and all your comrades!” 

Hopefully, once the exterminator comes, the invisible sign outside my home inviting all critters will disappear. 

Standard reporter Lacy Garrison can be reached at 473-2191.