When I’m queen ...

When I’m queen, mirrors will not exist before noon on Saturdays.

Saturdays are my only actual day off from the job that pays the bills and the responsibilities of home (housework, yard work, pet care and DIY house renovations). Along with a reprieve from the drudgery of life, I would like at least that one morning to not care about my appearance. That is not possible if there are mirrors reminding me that I transform into the spawn of Albert Einstein and Medusa overnight.

So, as queen, mirrors will not exist before noon on Saturdays.

While I’m at it: When I’m queen, Walmart will not be altered. Why do they do that? Just when I know where everything is and I write my list in order of where items are in the store – allowing for one walk through and done – they change everything around. It’s amazingly frustrating to start over every few years. Stop it!

When I’m queen, the snooze on alarms will not be nine minutes. Nine minutes is not a snooze, people -- 90 minutes is. Why nine minutes? Why not 10 minutes? Let’s be reasonable and say 15 minutes. If I hit snooze twice, that’s 30 minutes. Yes, I think 15 minutes will work out well.

When I’m queen, bloopers will be required at the end of every comedy movie. Have you seen “Rush Hour”? Now, that’s the way to do it. I’m always disappointed when I get to the end of a comedy movie and there are no bloopers. When I’m queen, there will be bloopers.

When I’m queen, the first Saturday of each month will be declared as Reconnect with the Outdoors Day. Go for a walk, enjoy your lunch break at a park, mow the yard, plant some flowers, or my favorite: roll the windows down on the car, crank up the radio and enjoy some fresh air on my way to and from work. My commutes can sometimes be very enjoyable.

When I’m queen, time will not fly when you’re having fun. If an eight-hour workday feels like 10 hours, the same should go for days when we’re doing something we actually enjoy. I like my job, but it’s a lot of hard work. A day at an amusement park shouldn’t go by any quicker than a day at work. If one flies, so must the other. This, I do decree.

When I’m queen, employees that work 40 hours will be given wellness hours. I rarely take any sick time off work. I deserve some wellness hours. Maybe one hour to help fulfill reconnecting to the outdoors? That sounds wonderful.

When I’m queen, calories will not count on birthdays. My birthday is coming up and this would come in handy. Maybe I’ll be declared queen prior to April 7.

A girl can dream. Can’t she? Apparently, I dream big.

Standard reporter Lisa Hobbs can be reached at 473-2191.