Life has taught me many, many lessons.
Judge Mablean in Divorce Court (yes, I used to watch that) offered a phrase that matched one life lesson. She said, “Look deep before you leap.”
Amen, sister. Amen.
While the phrase refers to all situations and a need to have a clear understanding of what you’re getting into before making a decision in which you cannot take back, she was specifically referring to relationships.
Again, I say, “Amen, sister. Amen.”
I’ve been single – my definition of single – since July 2014 when I was 45. Single means I am not married, legally or common law. If the government deems me to be single when I fill out my taxes at the beginning of the year, then I guess I’m single. I am, however, in an exclusive relationship. We are dating.
Being single, especially for a woman, is considered a bad thing in most cultures. It shouldn’t be. We shouldn’t be judged any differently than a man who’s single.
There are advantages to being single:
• I don’t fight with myself over money.
• I get the entire bed at night.
• I can wake up in the middle of the night and watch TV without waking someone up.
• I don’t need anyone’s permission … for anything.
• I spend less time on housework, laundry and cooking.
• I get to eat wherever I want and watch whatever movie I want.
Importantly, I’m happier now than when I was married. I, in all honesty, didn’t realize just how miserable he made me. That realization kicked in after a month or so. I was never the same. I vowed to never be miserable again. Look deep before you leap became a motto to live by.
So, here I am, still single at 51. Before you pass judgment, no one sets out in life with the intentions of being divorced in their 40s and single at 51. If someone has, I haven’t met them. Not sure that’s an aspiration anyone sets. It just happens.
I’ve been told that I’m being too picky. To that, I just smile. If picky means I’m looking for someone who makes me happy, then I’m guilty of being picky. Then, and only then, will I consider marriage.
There are disadvantages to being single. While I’d rather not focus on those, they do exist:
• I don’t fight over money, but there’s only one income. I must be extremely careful and adhere to a budget.
• When issues arise, the burden to make a decision is all mine. Sometimes, I’d like to share those.
• Dating can be tedious and at least once, I found myself on a date that couldn’t end soon enough.
None of those disadvantages have created an urgency in my thoughts on relationships or marriage. I continue, six years later, looking deep before I consider any leap.
Standard reporter Lisa Hobbs can be reached at 473-2191.