Lisa, it’s your birthday. Happy birthday, Lisa.
Seth Wright sings that to me every year. It was performed by Michael Jackson for his daughter, Lisa. It’s mine now, and it’s awesome. I look forward to it. It’s one of the reasons why I do not take my birthday off. That and the dessert that James usually buys. Not one bit of healthy to those desserts but so good.
I turned 48 on Friday, April 7. Go me! Getting old isn’t easy. There will be changes and some not so nice. To have a little fun when there really isn’t anything to laugh about, I’m going out outline the possible signs of old age as I see it. This could be funny.
One: You throw your back out while sleeping. This happened to me a week ago. I went to sleep feeling fine. I woke up the next morning feeling like there was a red-hot icepick sticking into my back. The girls and I had plans to go to the Southern Women’s Show. My fun was definitely limited. Doctor’s appointment one week later on my birthday – an omen of things to come?
Two: You go from Flintstone’s vitamins to Centrum Silver. That’s a big jump, I know. It really does feel like one day you’re getting tasty little vitamins shaped like Dino and the next day, you’re purchasing vitamins made for people over 50. Yes, I recently started taking Centrum Silver. Getting a jump on that phase of my life, sweet!
Three: Your night out with friends ends at 9 p.m. Remember when it started at 9 p.m.? This one wasn’t my idea. It was Ken. He also gave me this idea: You know you’re old when teenagers annoy you and if you have ever been tempted to yell at them to get off your yard because you fear for the safety of your pink flamingos. Funny stuff right there.
Four: I have one for Ken. You know you’re old when the Sirius radio in your car is predominantly on Vinyl, a station dedicated to the “great” music of the 1970s. Upon exiting the car, you make the comment that I should “jam out to that.” I shook my head, roll my eyes and reach to turn it off.
Five: A doctor – rather than a police officer – tells you to slow down and when the doctor asks your age, you have to do the math (solving for ‘x’) as she patiently waits. Then, she asks how long you’ve been having trouble remembering your age and your only response is “nunya business.” Both of these have happened to me, but not at the same time.
Six: If new socks make you happy. You know that’s true.
Seven: You’ve found yourself explaining why your favorite childhood TV shows were better than what’s on TV now. Oh, the life lessons of “The Andy Griffith Show.”
Last, but not least, the biggest sign that you’re getting old: you read this entire column. Sad, very sad.
Standard reporter Lisa Hobbs can be reached at 473-2191.