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Everlasting Joy 4-26
Coming out of golf retirement
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Industry Appreciation Day is on the horizon and set for June 26. For some reason, industry leaders have decided to ruin what could have been an otherwise enjoyable day with a round of golf.
For reasons equally as baffling, the Southern Standard has entered a four-man team in the Industry Appreciation Day Golf Scramble. To end all the suspense, I am on this team.
This comes after my golf retirement some 10 years ago. There was no ESPN news conference, but I officially walked away from the game on my own terms and promised myself I would never play again. Now this.
My reason for retirement was simple. My golf skills had eroded to the point where I was no longer competitive. If you want to be technical, “eroded” might not be the proper verb because I’m not sure my golf skills ever reached a point where they could get any worse.
Back when I had a regular golf group, and we visited exotic courses like Smithville Country Club, we always joked that I was an Army golfer. That’s because my shots went left, right, left. When I was lining up my drive from the tee box, the safest place to stand was in the middle of the fairway because there wasn’t a chance in the world my ball was going to land there.
The odd thing about golf is people are good at different phases of the game. Some people are talented with a driver. Others can sink long putts.
After golfing for years, I’d have to say my best club was the ball retriever. I could whip that thing out of my bag, have it fully extended, and fish my ball from a pond in no time. That part of my game really improved and I don’t say that to brag.
Unfortunately, the rest of golf was an exercise in madness. I would head out to the golf course on a beautiful afternoon with a spring in my step, a song in my heart, and $50 in my pocket.
The green fees and golf cart rental would eat my $50, while my inability to hit a shot would spoil my sunshine. I’d return home without money, in an awful mood, and having wasted what could have been a productive afternoon.
So I did what any respectable golfer would do. I didn’t quit. I retired, which is a fancy way of quitting that allows people to say nice things about you.
Now it appears I will be coming out of retirement in two months to play in a golf scramble aimed at promoting industry. I say if we’re looking to attract jobs, my golf game might be the worst way to do it.